Saturday, December 19, 2009

The End of the Semester

I just finish my last final at 8am, I am happy to say that I did very well. This semester has been very hard for me. At the beginning of this semester I did not what to expect, but I kinda had an idea that it was going to be busy. I had two jobs and mentoring five girls. I remember over the summer, me wanting to join a write a website to write articles that would help young Christian girls. I ask the Lord if I should join the website and He said "not now." I did not understand why. But, I believe now I understand, it was because this semester was going to be hard and very busy.

This semester, I learned so much about myself and it very hard to face it. I have cried so much this semester. I took a Spiritual Formation and Human Behavior class and these two classes have taught me so much. In my Spiritual Formation class, we did the "mask," on the one side, we had to write what others saw in us and the other side, what we see about ourselves. This mask brought up a lot of childhood issues that I seemed to still be affected by. As a young girl, I felt ugly, stupid, and unworthy. In Human Behavior class, we learned the issues that children go through and how they affect them when they get older. I have realized that being teased as a young girl, has shaped me who I am today. I am not trusting of people and I am afraid of what people can do to me. I know that this is not good because, as a believer I need to be surrounded by community. I pray to God, that he would help to trust people and give me confidence. I want the Lord, to free me of my pain.

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